Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
