I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Drunk is not a location!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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