You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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