All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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