i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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