There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
