Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
