when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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