Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
