You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
The beers last night were like the tears from god
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
