she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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