She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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