i need an iv and a liver transplant
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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