I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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