haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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