oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
