I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize