I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
