just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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