Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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