tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
