If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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