Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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