she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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