I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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