Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
