Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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