he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
