he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
