They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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