cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
