Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
