I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
