Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
