Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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