if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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