none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
