I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
