youre lurking in front of me
Don't make out with my wife yet
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
