and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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