I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
