I'd wear matching sweaters with you
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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