Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
