I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize
