Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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