so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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