i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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