Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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