Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Alive.
So much puke
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
