The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
