people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
