my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
