So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
