Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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