just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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