we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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