I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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