I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
