i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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