your room smells of hookers.
And success
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
