just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
