I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
