Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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