Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I am naked and annoyed.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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