I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
