Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
