Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
i think im in europe. pls send help
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
