well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
