If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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