he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
