Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
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Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
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You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize