After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
he just fucked me for my cheese..
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
