i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
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