DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
