do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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