Three words: puerto rican gang bang
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
